Shamanism, Midwifery Love & Tending the Flame
Looking for the book? Click here.
I have often wondered about Cinderella (for sure a shamanic tale) as she is magically transformed to “go to the ball”, which allows her to have the experience in magical disguise -she “dances” as a “mysterious stranger” and then vanishes, losing a shoe (a power object, specific to her) in her flight, causing her to limp home. She leaves behind the magical experience, a mystery for others to ponder and the hero to solve. She is returned to her oppressed status tending the fire and keeping the home for her evil stepmother (ie. Under the spell of the Dragon). Her mean stepsisters actually self-wound, cutting off parts of their own feet in attempting to “make the shoe fit” and win the coveted prize of the kingdom, and marriage to the prince. Having demonstrated nothing heroic or noble, though, they just end up wounded. And Our Girl, gets reunited with her magic slipper, the prize of “living happily ever after” and is transformed from fire-tender(definitely a shamanic chore) to Princess.
Stay with me on this- we midwives are like Cinderella. Here’s the reason: we tend the fire, and when the magic is just right, we win the kingdom and live happily ever after. The work we do is mostly underappreciated by the over-culture and yet we are happy to serve. If we’re really lucky we get a fairy godmother to wave her wand over us and Bibidi Bobidi Boo we have a new outfit, a tiara, magic shoes and someone else is on call so we can go to the party!
Since I’m writing a novel where the heroine’s journey includes several shamanic elements, I find myself revisiting inspiration from my old journals, filled with shamanic journeys’ insights and guidance from the helping spirits as well as the things I pondered late at night (like Cinderella as a shamanic hero).
“While waiting”- my task is to patiently wait for the mother who has endured 9 months or more of waiting - now I watch and wait as she transforms to help her baby to cross the Veil and be born at their magical right time into my patiently-waiting hands. Those late, mystical nights when driving to the birth, when the moon would be bright and heavily misted with a veil of her own! From Source, from the birth fairies, helping spirits, and goddesses I asked for protection and support for the coming birth, and the call shift ahead of me. Often I carefully chose my birth talismans, tucking a piece of Labradorite in my bra or wearing Aventurine or Malachite for heart energy and courage if I was worried about something. Moonstones- the stone of the Divine Feminine and Lapis for the Third Eye, intuition and healing. We women understand intuition and spirituality and superstition, even as we marry it with science and logic.
Reading my midwife musings in my old journals, and feeling what feels like tense birth energy in the air today, I’m reminded of the thrill of convincing a baby to shift their shoulder or head to help them slip through the bones of the pelvis. How suddenly the Mother would make that low, catching, moaning sound that is music to every midwife’s ear; that says it won’t be long till we meet this baby. I miss that liminal time right before the baby arrives, when the Mom dozes between pushes. When the air in the birth room is heavy with oxytocin, fatigue, and anticipation. When the door to the world outside could be left open to allow a reviving breeze to cool us all from time to time and the moon and stars could be present (even if only through the top half of the big windows) to witness and welcome the arrival of Earth’s newest citizen.
I miss the skin-to-skin moments of birth partners’ greeting their babies, while I would say a silent blessing (or sometimes not silent) that this family would carry the magic of their birth story forever and its power would sustain them in those moments which come to try a parent’s patience or a couple’s commitment to each other - that no matter what comes for them, Baby, you are perfect and loved.
Birth is so powerful and transformational for us - it is perhaps our greatest rite of passage. To be born is to embody all the metaphors that come from the birth experience! We engage with all the elements in birth. It is deeply Divine work that accesses both the Yin and the Yang energy of us. To float and grow in, be nourished by and then descend from the wisdom of your mother’s watery womb, through the fiery birth passage, into the air which is gasped and drawn into your lungs and wailed out again, to a land in your life where you must now navigate the energies of Earth and gravity. This miracle moment, that brings forth a baby, manifests the potential of all Creation! A parent too, is birthed, and grandparents and siblings - an entire world community is exponentially altered by this single act - every single time - no matter how many times we do it, it transforms us all.
In my career, I’ve been blessed to work in a variety of birth settings, to teach and support many new parents, to stand with a couple of thousand families as they marked their journey through this portal. I felt privileged to hold the space for them to birth in their own time, in their own way, even when nature in her supreme wisdom called us to a surgical birth in a sterile operating room under bright lights, with all the interventions, rather than the out -of- hospital birth center or home birth that was carefully planned. We found ways to adjust and accommodate, to recognize and honor the experience of THIS BIRTH. I loved reliving these stories in my journaling. It inspires me to write about it.
I am proud of my long career of supporting women, and to have had the honor to serve alongside midwife colleagues’ who also demonstrate their commitment to the core traditions of midwifery practice that respect, educate, support, partner with, and empower women throughout their lives. Has this become a challenge in today’s healthcare environment? Indeed, and for many of our medical colleagues as well. And no matter how modern healthcare models challenge midwives, no matter how many fears and limiting beliefs the patriarchal system clings to, no matter how many “productivity’ models and “payor mixes” they attempt to bring to the birthing room, to the woman’s bedside, to her prenatal care, her breastfeeding experience or her postpartum depression, the heart of the midwife knows that what really matters at the end of each day is that woman and what she needs from her midwife.
And as long as there is one woman who, in her most vulnerable moment of birthing can look into the eyes of her trusted midwife and know that whatever comes she is safe, she is cared for and supported, midwifery survives and succeeds in its mission to be with women, guiding, teaching, holding space for those powerful and transformative experiences. Midwifery is a calling, a vocation. The red thread. The women. It’s not a job. It’s a mission. We who are called find a way to do what we feel we must do. Sometimes the call sends us to a new community or a different kind of midwifery. It’s just how the wheel turns.
We know the secret, Laurel Stavroe has shared. Women are so strong. We witness this every day. We know, too, their vulnerability that calls for true courage. We are called to honor and guard those moments for her, in awe of her strength and courage. Midwives and women are bound forever. The sacred sisterhood. We see you and understand the truth you are living. We know what you are trying to carry, we know the importance of your dreams. We honor your meaningful, spiritual and traditional values and protect your transformative passage as if it were our own. Because we are you. We are you, and we know that you will draw confidence and strength from those experiences for years to come when you see the power of you in the mirror of us.
These traditions and values of midwifery are the difference in the care that improves outcomes for women. Research on the midwifery model and its emphasis on the relationship with the client shows that this single, time-intensive factor is the indicator that improves outcomes for mothers and babies, as well as for maidens, matriarchs, princesses, queens, crones, and hags. It's holistic and affirming and lasting work. We respect our relationship with you and we prove that it has value by giving our TIME to you. Time is a non-renewable resource and therefore of great importance in our Western culture.
Productivity models of healthcare devalue the relationship because they seek to minimize relationship-building TIME, in order to make a profit. More patients seen/hour=more income for the practice. How can midwifery practices achieve financial solvency without losing the relationship model of care that builds the necessary trust between client and midwife? This is the challenge of providing care in a broken healthcare reimbursement system. Time-intensive = expensive care.
Safe, satisfying, and lifelong - midwifery care is priceless. Ask the women who have experienced the traditional Western medicine model of care and the contrasting midwifery model of care. Even when offered within a Westernized practice, it is different. They will travel to get the care they want. In my 13 years at the birthing center, it was very common for patients to drive over an hour for prenatal visits, and some drove as much as 4 hours, knowing they would drive that distance in labor as well because they valued the care they received from us. Women are smart. Women are strong and women know extraordinary when they see it.
Women need to get busy and fix healthcare now. If the status quo isn’t good enough, let’s make some noise about what we want. This is bigger than one woman, one midwife, one birth center. Women = 51% of the US voting public. Let’s get this transformation started!
This post is dedicated to my midwife sisters from Women’s Birth & Wellness Center in Chapel Hill, NC. Some of you are in spirit, others of you are now midwifing in other communities. I've been blessed to be supported and to support you all. My heart is my compass, Maureen, Sarah, Emily, Carey, Jessica, Belinda, Lydia, Laura, Jaci, Mariah, Lauren, and all the midwifery students through the years who carry the torch forward. And to my midwife community outside the birthing center, you are too numerous to name here but you know how much I love and respect you and everything you do to keep the flame burning.
